There is no doubt that care giving a parent is extremely stressful. A few days ago I finally convinced my mother to get her hair done at the salon that I have been taking her to for about 5 years. This was very difficult to convince her go, it had been many months.
Recently her dementia has become worse and she insisted that she didn't need a flu shot, because she already had one. I would ask her when and where did you get it? and her reply was "I just did."
After her hair work was done and I had her in the car, we drove to her doctor's office, (I secretly made an appointment for a flu shot) she was not happy. She got her shot. I then took her for some soup at the bakery, she panicked a little, and telling her I wanted to show her off with her new white hair "do", softened her up a little. She can barely walk even with a walker every move takes time, I am a very patient person and have been all my life, to the dismay of many of my "type A" personality family and friends. We had a nice lunch and I was able to get some sunlight on her, she prefers to be inside with all window blinds shut. That's another story.
Tricking her for her own benefit is OK, and I felt better after reading this from the Family Caregiver Alliance website:
Therapeutic Lying Reduces Stress. We tend to be meticulously honest with people. However, when someone has dementia, honesty can lead to distress both for us and the one we are caring for. Does it really matter that your loved one thinks she is the volunteer at the day care center? Is it okay to tell your loved one that the two of you are going out to lunch and then “coincidentally” stop by the doctor’s office on the way home to pick something up as a way to get her to the doctor?